Stop and write about “the only thing pounding louder than my heart” if you wish. Or you could [[a mind to meander|go back to where the river begins]]. ---- I remember the Fourth of July of last year as if it were my yesterday. I remember the rush of Adrenaline through my entire body as the last firework shot into the sky in a glorious explosion. I ran in a desperate search through the park and ran through clouds of memory and hope. I came to a breathless stop and said to him “Sam, can I talk to you for a few minutes?” I have been sitting at my desk and computer every day. I keep going, I keep working. My future feels as if it is about to begin, and I want to make sure I do everything to be prepared for it. [[I fear that I am going nowhere]], and that I am never going to be enough. He tells me that I do not need to fear. And that I am actually pushing myself too far at times. Each week feels like it is getting closer to my life beginning, but I fear what if it is ending. Until then I will continue to work hard here at my desk and not give up. I hope to be sitting along the rocks one day, staring at the waves and feeling the warm ocean breeze. I hope to be waking up for runs and walks under the sun. We talk about being in Florida one day, and I sometimes think about never coming back. I want to live in Florida. Sometimes dreams are more fun when they seem impossible in comparison to when they actually are possible. Does not mean they are just as entertaining though.